Saturday, March 8, 2008

Beowulf: The Game

Beowulf: The Game


The story is nonsense. You play Beowulf, the strong, swimming, monster-slaying Nordic macho man dispatched to rid the Danes of a marauding monster. After defeating Grendel, you're given a nifty dragon horn by the seemingly mad Danish king, who then dispatches you to kill Grendel's mother. She seduces you into giving her the horn (which, it turns out, is magical and must be used to feed Denmark), and all of a sudden you're the Danish king, and your kingdom is in the exact same position it was in before you arrived. Grendel's mother has you where it hurts, and everything is going to heck as barbarians, monkey men, rival thanes, and cultists run wild across your land. Your job is to kill everyone bad, and somehow not be seduced by Grendel's mother, who humps your leg and bites your neck whenever she sees you.

The path seems straight enough. After all, the game is largely linear and only about six hours long from beginning to end. But waiting for you in that short journey are design pitfalls you may never escape from. One example is a puzzle that challenges you to use carnal rage (berserk mode) to start fires, which in turn let you hunt the leader of a band of evil monkey men. If the connection between rage, fire, and monkey men is lost on you, you are not alone. Unraveling that tangle is one of the most frustrating challenges in the game, not for the tax it exacts on your mental faculties, but for its utter lack of logic.

This case is just one outgrowth of a greater fungal network of confusion, weird mechanics, and bad planning. Beowulf, in an effort to seem open ended, is full of branching paths whose avenues lead to dead ends. Even worse, one trail will be blocked by a waist-high boulder that your mightiness cannot scale, yet the only way forward will entail a 20-foot climb straight up a vertical surface. Truly, Beowulf does not know his own strength, and neither does Ubisoft.

There are other such illusions at work, such as the "carnal" versus "heroic" scale system. Ostensibly, this is a meter by which your legacy will be measured, but appearances can be deceiving. If you rely heavily on carnal fury (a berserker mode in which you become invincible and do heavy damage), you'll gain currency that improves your berserker state, and the meter will slide toward carnal. If you kill enemies with regular attacks, you'll gain currency that improves your henchmen, and shifts the meter toward heroic. But there's no light or dark path, which this system seems to hint at, and even worse, you can't always choose whether or not you want to be carnal or heroic. Against virtually all the bosses, you have to enter carnal mode; it's the only way to hurt them.


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